Dear Your Teen:
We recently moved to a new state. My son started the ninth grade and plays a sport at his new school. We just learned he’s been having a rough time, particularly in the locker room where some boys on the team are picking on him. What do we do now?
Ideas for Dealing with Bullying in the Locker Room
This situation is bullying, and my advice is to instruct your teenager to deal with this bullying in the locker room in the same way we teach kids about how to deal with any kind of bullying. All of our experience and work in the area of bullying teaches us that there are only three actions that actually work to resolve bullying situations. These are:
- Don’t React.
- Maybe most importantly, tell an adult in charge or nearby.
On the last point, particularly in this situation of bullying in the locker room, a coach is a very powerful adult in the lives of teenagers. Your teenager may find that asking the coach to intervene in this situation can be very effective. If the coach is not receptive to your teenager, then you should step in and call the coach. If that doesn’t work, go higher up the chain. Parental intervention in bullying is important, if a teenager is not able to handle the situation on his or her own.
Help your teenager understand that “snitching” on these bullies is NOT uncool. It will also not hurt his chance to fit in at his new school. Point out other ways for him to do this, beyond the team, including getting involved with extracurricular activities that will allow him to meet other students at the school.
Dr. John Mayer has been a leading authority on teens and families for over 30 years. He’s the author of 20 books, a sought-after speaker, and a consultant who works with families in his office and via phone. Learn more at www.DrJohnMayer.com.