Making friends as a teenager can feel awkward, overwhelming, or even lonely sometimes. With the rapid increase of screen time, it is common for teens to start spending a lot of time alone and engage in antisocial behavior. It is incredibly valuable for teens to develop friendships and develop social skills. While some teens have a good group of friends, others need to be a bit more intentional about making friends.
Friends are important, and the middle school to high school transitions often lead to changing friendships. Some students switch schools, others form different interests than in the past, and sometimes it’s just hard to overcome the pressure to talk to others. However, there are so many ways to make friends as a teenager that one of them will click.
Here are some realistic, low-pressure ways to connect and make new friends as a teen.
Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as a Teenager?
Social pressure and fear of rejection make it hard for teens to make friends sometimes. There are also already cliques and existing friend groups that can feel intimidating to enter. The social media comparison also makes it hard because everyone already looks like they have friends, making teens without friends feel out of place.
A lot of teens will make friends through their hobbies and interests. But what if nobody at your school is into the same things that you are? What if you’re really into specific hobbies or bands that nobody else around you likes? Feeling different can be incredibly isolating and makes it very challenging to make friends.
How to Make Friends in High School
Making friends may feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Building friendships is less about perfection and more about showing up, being open, and giving it time. Here are some tips to get started.
Join a Club, Organization, or Extracurricular Activity
When teens join a club, organization, or extracurricular activity they’re interested in, it puts them in an environment with other teens who have the same interests. It’s an easy way to form natural connections.
Being around the same people each day helps connections form naturally, where just showing up leads to finding friends you love.
Start With One Conversation
The best way to make friends is to start small, with one conversation at a time. Use shared environments like class, lunch, sports, or clubs to find new people to strike up a conversation with. Once you have the first conversation, end by asking if they want to sit together tomorrow or with another similar follow-up question.
I’ve seen how much this matters from watching my kids. Sometimes it’s as simple as sitting next to the same person a few days in a row and having a few conversations, or even just making one small comment about class. Each interaction makes things less awkward, and suddenly they’ve formed a new friendship.
Ask Questions
People love talking about themselves, so ask lots of questions when you want to make a friend. It takes lots of pressure off you if they get into a longer story or explanation, too. Additionally, this shows them that you’re interested in them.
Volunteer
Volunteering is another way teens can encounter others they might relate to. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities at places of worship, local hospitals, recreation centers, and other charitable organizations.
Check Your Body Language
Standing with your arms crossed or avoiding eye contact gives the impression that you don’t want to talk or that you’re unapproachable. Even more important, put your phone away so others don’t think you’re busy or don’t want to be bothered. Additionally, if you wear earbuds often then people will think you’re listening to something and not talk to you. There are a lot of things you can do with your body language and presence to make yourself more approachable!
Try New Things
If you’re not finding friends doing what you usually do, maybe it’s time to try a new hobby. Stepping out of your comfort zone can help you learn about yourself while also giving you the chance to meet new people. Other teens are also looking for friends, and it might be the perfect opportunity to come together.
Do Something Kind for Someone
Going out of your way to do something nice for someone can sometimes lead to a great friendship. If you know someone always forgets something they need, consider taking any extra for them next time. If someone is studying to learn the new material in class, you can offer to help them understand it.
Put Yourself Out There
You won’t make friends sitting in your bedroom every day, so get out there and make yourself available. Attend events and strike up a conversation while you’re at it. This is an especially fun way to socialize in the summer, on vacation, or during school breaks, too.
Once you get to know someone a little bit, invite them to hang out with you or ask if they want to do something together. You have to be open to invitations too, so when someone invites you to do something, say yes, even if you’re nervous or feeling shy.
Invite People Over
If you’re not getting invited to things, you should try to invite people to events that you hose. If there is someone you want to befriend, try hosting an event at your house and inviting them over. You can play some outdoor games or have a bonfire, trivia night, movie night, or something else you know a majority of the group enjoys.
Be Friendly
It makes sense that to make friends, one should try to be friendly. If you’re intimidating, other people will not want to talk to you. Try to behave in a way that seems welcoming to others. This can be done by smiling and being intentional about your appearance.
Give Compliments
Complimenting someone shows that you’re friendly, which will make people want to talk to you more. When they see that you’re kind and approachable, it’s easier to get to know each other. You may even find that you feel more confident after saying something kind to someone.
Speak Up and Engage in Conversation
When you’re in a group or social setting, don’t be afraid to speak up and comment on the experience. Anyone in the group can respond, giving you multiple chances for conversation all at once. Remember to stay positive, so avoid making negative remarks. For example, if someone makes a joke that you think is funny, make sure to laugh out loud. This will make them feel good because you’re giving them feedback on their good sense of humor.
Engage On Social Media
If you’re struggling to make social connections in person, consider using social media! For example, if someone you know posted about going to a movie that you really likes, you can send them a message saying you saw that movie too. A quick comment or message on social media can strike an entire conversation that leads to friendship.
How Do You Start a Conversation With Someone New?
Starting a conversation can feel difficult, but it gets easier the more often you do it. Start with simple conversation starters that don’t feel forced, like “Do you understand this assignment?” or “What did you think of that test?” Additionally, you can use mutual interests to make conversation. For example, if you know that you both like basketball, you can ask if they watched the game last night, or what their thoughts are on a recent player trade.
How to Make Friends When You’re Shy or Have Social Anxiety
Being shy or having social anxiety can make it hard to strike up a conversation and make new friends. When that’s the case, consider focusing on one-on-one interactions instead of groups. It lowers the pressure and can make it easier to overcome the fear of starting a conversation.
If it helps, memorize a few conversation starters so you can think of something to say in the moment. Practice this in comfortable settings, like at clubs or online school groups.
It’s okay to take it slow and gradually increase how often you talk to people. The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become.
Another way to make friends when you’re shy is to repeatedly sit near the same person. Experts say that it gives the opportunity for small, repeated interactions that help form connections and friendships.
Where To Make Friends as a Teen
Teens can make friends in more places than they think, including:
- School clubs
- Sports
- Around the neighborhood
- Extracurricular activities
- Part-time jobs
- Volunteer opportunities
- Online communities, with safe guidelines
How to Turn Acquaintances Into Real Friends
If you have acquaintances you want to become friends with, invite them to do something simple to start with. Ask if they want to sit together, study, or hang out after school. Be consistent with reaching out because it can take a while to build a friendship.
Share a little bit about yourself with your acquaintances so you can get to know each other better. Most importantly, show up when they invite you and follow through because reliability builds trust.
How to Find Your Friend Group
Finding your friend group is best when you look for people with shared values and interests instead of just popularity. Pay attention to how people make you feel and focus on those who create a positive feeling. It’s okay to have a few close friends instead of a big group, and the groups often form naturally over time.
Can You Make Friends Online Safely as a Teen?
Teens can safely make friends online, but they need boundaries. They should use moderated platforms and understand to never share personal info or meet up without adult involvement. Online friendships can support real-life connections, but it’s super important to be safe and aware.
What If You Still Don’t Have Friends?
It’s okay if you still don’t have friends. Many teens go through this phase, and when the right people come into your life, you’ll find who you were looking for. Keep practicing building skills like making conversation, and don’t rush anything. If not having friends impacts your mental health, consider talking to a therapist, counselor, or other trusted adult. Don’t lose hope, and remember that the best friendships come along when you least expect them.