My college girl sent me a picture of herself the other day with this message: “I feel very pretty today.”
I loved this. I know my daughter is beautiful, inside and out, so I want her to feel the reality of that. On the other hand, though, I hated that she had to put “today” in there. I hate that my daughter doesn’t feel good about herself every day.
But this is the world our daughters live in. A world where voices from peers, social media, and the entertainment industry tell them lies about who and what they are. Which is why our voice as parents needs to be louder and more persistent, overriding those lies with truth.
I’ve raised one daughter to young adulthood and am steering another in that direction, and based on that experience, here’s some life advice I think all teen girls need to hear:
Life Advice Every Teenage Girl Needs to Hear
1. You are valuable.
Your worth isn’t tied to being class president, first chair, or the most valuable player on some sports team. It’s not about the accolades you receive, the positions you hold, or how you rank compared to others.
Your value comes from who you are at your core—the unique qualities, strengths, and spirit that make you, you. No one else can fill the space you occupy in our family, your school, or the world around you. If you weren’t here, there would be a void that no one else could fill. You are irreplaceable, and your presence makes a difference in more ways than you know.
2. You are likeable and loveable.
These things are true whether or not you ever go out on a date or get asked to prom. And they have nothing to do with how many friends you have on social media. You’re likeable because you’re not afraid to be real, and your authenticity draws people in. Once they get there, they find out how fun and funny you are. But you’re also compassionate and care about other people, and those qualities make you loveable. Everyone wants to be known and valued for who they really are, and spending time being real with people is what makes you special.
3. You are beautiful.
Your beauty has nothing to do with a number on the scale or what you wear, or how your hair or skin look on a given day. You are simply beautiful because of your passion and your spirit. These come from inside you, which means they can’t be undone by things outside of you.
4. There are different kinds of smart.
Your intelligence is not dependent on, or necessarily reflected by, your GPA, your class rank or your SAT score. Knowing how to learn—and especially knowing how you learn—and how to work hard are going to serve you so much further in your future than a number on a standardized test or next to your name on some class list.
5. Disappointment is a part of life.
You can’t always control the outcome of things, but you can control your input. So take a chance on friendship, try out for the part, study hard for the test. You may not like the results, but at least you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried.
6. Be kind.
You’ll never regret choosing to show kindness, grace, and compassion to others. Just think about how much you appreciate it when someone is kind to you—it lifts your spirits and makes your day a little brighter. So why not pass that same feeling on to those around you? Make it a habit to treat everyone with kindness, no matter the situation.
7. You will experience heartbreak.
At some point in your life, you will get your heart broken. Guard your heart the best you can, but don’t harden it. It will hurt, but you will overcome the breakup.
8. Some days, you’re just going to have to blame the hormones.
It’s okay, we’ve all been there. OR: They might as well be good for something.
9. Weird can be wonderful.
I understand that you want to fit in. But it’s okay to be different and stand out sometimes, too. Don’t change who you are for the sake of other people. Although is might sound cliche, “be yourself” is wonderful life advice for teenage daughters.
10. Be the kind of friend you want to have.
The best kind of friend is someone who sees your flaws and imperfections but loves and accepts you just the same. These are the friends who stick by you, even when you’re not at your best. Make an effort to find friends like that—people who embrace the real you. But just as importantly, strive to be that kind of friend too. Be someone who can offer support, understanding, and acceptance, no matter what. True friendship is about being there for each other, through the highs and the lows, without judgment.
11. Trust your instincts.
One of the best pieces of life advice I’ve heard is to trust that little voice inside you what warns you when something is wrong or confirms when something is right. That voice knows you pretty well and can be a good guide. But at the same time…
12. Be willing to take good life advice.
13. When in doubt, give yourself some time.
Try taking a deep breath, going for a walk, drinking a glass of water or taking nap. It’s amazing what fresh air, a change of scenery, hydration, and rest can do to help bring clarity to your thoughts.
Taking a break is a great way to process your thoughts and emotions. Stress and pressure can sometimes cause you to make decisions that aren’t the best. When in doubt, reach out to us about your situation and we’ll give you advice.
14. There’s no one right way to be a teenager.
There is more more than one way to do this season of your life. Lots of people will tell you to make the most of your teenage years, but what that most looks like for you is up to you. Don’t feel pressured to act a certain way because you see others doing it. You’re doing great just the way you are.
15. It’s okay to make mistakes.
Life is not about being perfect. It’s about process and progress. In many ways, the mistakes we make are a core part of who we are. People like to say that “practice makes perfect,” but in reality, that’s rarely true. There’s almost always something that can be better, higher, or just more somehow. But what practice does make is possibilities. Are you going somewhere in your sport, your art, your studies? Are you moving along toward a goal? That’s its own kind of perfection, even if it does come with some stumbles and roadblocks along the way.
16. You are more than your problems.
Whatever you might be struggling with right now is not your whole story, and it is not all of who you are. Your problem doesn’t define you…but it just might refine you. Hold onto hope, and take the next one step you can see in front of you. I promise there will come a day when you suddenly realize you’re out on the other side. And it will feel so good. Hang in there! It gets better.
17. Take risks.
You will encounter situations in life that are a bit scary or intimidating. Don’t put yourself into dangerous situations, but also consider the potential upside to certain risks. Whether it is asking a boy to a dance, or performing at the school talent show, some of the most rewarding experiences require taking risk.
18. Don’t give into peer pressure.
Your peers and sometimes friends may try to pressure you into doing certain things. Don’t give into peer pressure for the sake of being cool, or fitting in. Stay away from drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. It’s never lame to say “no.”
19. Value family.
I’m not just saying this because we’re family, but family relationships are some of the most important in life. We’ve been with you since your literal beginning and will always stick with you. As you get older, you’ll get busy with other friends and activities, but please remember to make some time for your family.
20. I love you.
Remember that I am on your side—always.
Overall Advice for Parents of Teenage Girls
In a world filled with so many voices trying to tell our daughters who they should be, it’s essential for us as parents to remind them of the truths that matter most. The life lessons we pass on are about more than success or beauty—they are about being kind, authentic, and resilient. As we guide our girls through the ups and downs of life, we need to keep telling them that they are enough just as they are. So, as your daughter navigates her own journey, let her know you’re there for her, cheering her on every step of the way, and reminding her how deeply loved she is.
