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Parents of Teens and Sex: Finding Private Time

Do you remember when you first fell in love and “physical intimacy” was spontaneous and frequent? You walked by your lover and felt sparks. The world revolved around the two of you and your “relationship” held top priority. In those early stages of “love,” there was little else competing for your attention and time.

Welcome baby number one. You fell in love again but this time with your baby and, possibly, at the expense of your marriage. Sleepless nights followed by physical exhaustion led to less “amorous” moments. Hopefully, in short time, you discovered a routine and settled into a pattern that carved out time for “hooking up.” Although scheduled intimacy replaced spontaneity, at least you were back in the game.

Private Time: Finding Time to Let Parents Have Sex

Those sleepless nights soon evolved into a scheduled bedtime. Life was looking good. Lights out at 7:00pm and the rest of the evening was yours. The relief was palpable. Freedom. Time for TV, reading, talk, and “touching.”

Change is inevitable and that includes bedtimes. 7:00pm moves to 8:00pm and then before you know it your teenagers are going to sleep later than you and your spouse. So how does this new routine accommodate “romance?” After they go to sleep? Before they wake up? Or are you bravely willing to lock the door while they are awake?

One couple, Mark and Eileen decide to seize the moment. A group of teens are in the den engrossed in a movie. Seems like as good an opportunity as any. They lock the door, jump in bed, and “carpe diem.” Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. Daughter Ruth knocks loudly and shockingly wants to know why the door is locked. Eileen opens the door and Ruth explains that her friends have left and she wants to watch a movie with her parents. Ruth is a senior and each moment with her feels precious so she joins her parents in bed to watch a movie. “Romance” aborted.

Don and Sarah go to bed before their three teenagers. It is 11:00pm and the kids are still awake. Don asks them when they might be going to sleep. This is relevant because in this house there is a lovely tradition – the teens who stay up too late for the aging parents come to kiss the parents goodnight. All three teens plan to go to sleep at 11:00pm. One comes in, then the second one comes in. The parents wait and wait and eventually at around 11:30 pm the last teenager comes to kiss her parents as they dangle on the precipice of sleep. Once again, the moment is lost.

I asked a friend who had great advice. In her house, her husband kisses each child goodnight and tells them that they, the parents, are going to sleep. Don’t stop in on your way to bed.

Mark and Eileen and Don and Sarah have one question. How old does a savvy, Cosmo reading, Gossip Girl watching teenager have to be before she understands that her parents just wanna have SEX!?

How do you work SEX into your schedule?

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