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Mother-Daughter Relationship: Really Cool Fake Mom Won’t Get Me Down

Some kids develop an attachment to a doll or stuffed animal. Many others create an imaginary friend. I’m still trying to figure out why my daughter had to be different and fall in love with an imaginary mother.

No, I don’t know why she had to be different, but I do know why she made up Really Cool Fake Mom.

Because of Really Cool Fake Mom, she doesn’t have to listen to me.

So, when I ask her to take her vitamin or nag her to do her homework, she either pretends not to hear me or shoots me a completely condescending look.

When I’m lucky enough to get a verbal response, it’s usually something like: “Were you talking to me? Why don’t you just pack your bags? My Really Cool Fake Mom is going to fire you today.”

With that, she catches herself and shudders over the shock of acknowledging my presence. She then continues to do exactly as she wants. So, what am I supposed to do?

Maybe I’ll open a fake email address, pretend to be Really Cool Fake Mom and proceed to nag her electronically.

Of course, there’s another reason why my daughter invented a pseudo mom. She thinks that I’m a loser. She believes that she deserves a gorgeous, athletic, smart mom, who can cook gourmet meals and who will take her to the mall every day and encourage her to buy whatever suits her fancy. Her real-mom — spastic, moronic and ugly though she may be – hates going to the mall, believes in hand-me-downs, and is a lousy cook.

I’ll never measure up to Really Cool Fake Mom. But that’s okay because my daughter isn’t the only one who can be creative.

I’m going to invent Really Cool Fake Daughter.

She will be polite and helpful and will do whatever I ask, when I ask. She will enjoy just a couple of after school activities and then take the after school bus home so that she’s available to help with dinner and the laundry!

In this way, the real me and my real daughter can escape to our own delightful fantasy worlds! Otherwise, real daughter is going to have to give me Really Cool Fake Mom’s number so that she can help me transport real daughter all over town, get her off of Facebook and coax her to do her homework.

Valerie Newman lives in Connecticut with her husband and two kids. When Valerie started mixing up her kid’s college applications with her mother’s nursing home applications, she knew she was part of the sandwich generation.

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