What Is It Like Being A Child Of Divorce?
Divorce was never really real to me until my parents were actually filing for it. This experience as a child of divorce solidified divorce in my world. It’s something that can break the chains that hold people back from what they truly want, while creating new burdens that hadn’t existed before the break.
When I first found out about my parents’ problems, which mainly were caused by my dad having an affair, I was devastated. I just shut down. I don’t know what I had expected to happen, but I only hoped that it was what was best for them both. They went to counseling, and my mom really tried to see if she and my father could work things out. But it was in vain, due to my father’s attitude and perception that he’d done nothing wrong. Once I realized his justification, I couldn’t hold back all the anger I felt toward him.
Throughout the whole divorce process, I was hurt and sickened by him. It had been bad enough that he didn’t try to make it work with my mom. He continued to be self-righteous. Sadly, on the Fourth of July, his affair, which we thought he had put to rest, was fully exposed as we returned home from an Indians game. That night, I saw my mom pack up all of my father’s things and give them to one of his friends to take to him.
After My Dad Left
After my father was officially moved out of our house, he filed the divorce proposal. And thus the three-year court battle began. As the weeks played out, I saw my mom go to court over the things that she needed to take care of us, but that my father was trying to deny her. The whole process seemed endless. As I watched it unfold, I saw my father put more challenges in front of my mom. My mom wasn’t fighting for everything my dad owned or anything absurd. She was simply fighting for what she needed to pay for health insurance, doctors and orthodontist appointments, and other basic needs.
In the end, my mom was able to obtain the legal agreement. My father couldn’t run off and leave her to care for all three of us without his just contribution. However, that still hasn’t stopped him from trying to evade it even now.
All of this being said, I can’t truly say that I’m not mad at my Dad for what he’s done to my family. But I can say that, despite all the pain he still causes me with his actions and attitudes, I have forgiven him. I’ve moved on. Even when stuff is really hard to deal with, I just thank God that our lives are blessed enough in the simplest of ways. Even though my family is small and broken, as a child of divorce we now have a peace that wouldn’t have ever come without the divorce.
