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Stronger After Divorce: My Parents’ Divorce Was Really Tough

Adjusting To Life After Divorce

When I was eight years old, I witnessed my parents relationship devolve into constant tension. Each argument between them was agonizing. And my parents became increasingly hostile. As a child, I couldn’t understand why my parents were no longer going to be married. Once our house was divided, I lost my happiness and my consistency was shattered.

Years passed, but I never became comfortable living between two homes. Because I spent the majority of my time at my mother’s house, I had a routine there. On the other hand, going to my father’s house every other weekend took me out of my comfort zone. I wanted one home with all my belongings. I hated packing an overnight bag. Unfortunately, that’s not how divorce works.

I started to become angry and aggressive. Over time, I became a bully. I often insulted and made fun of my peers and younger brother. In school, I called my classmates harsh names. And I made fun of my peers  about deaths in the family or hardships at home.

At home, I would physically assault my brother at random. I was unpredictable. Seemingly little occurrences turned into violent duels. Being a pre-teen, I was at an awkward age with feelings that I couldn’t channel or express in positive ways.

The Addition of Stepparents Was a Difficult Adjustment

Becoming an adolescent was tough enough with all the foreign feelings and new responsibilities. It was even harder to accep my parents’ second marriages. I didn’t want my parents to be with anyone else. However, I was mature enough to want the best for the both of them and for them to be happy.

Yet my consistency was again destroyed with the addition of these new authority figures. I hated that someone to whom I owed no respect could tell me what to do in my own home. This created a tension between my parents and me, especially in my mother’s household. I have always been independent and rebellious, and my step-parents could instantly fuel a fire in me with just one word or action.

Luckily, my parents started to value my opinion, and I was no longer forced to be shipped back and forth between houses like a package. I made my own schedule and decisions, which was great. But it was stressful finding time to spend with my dad.

I felt guilty that I always chose to stay with my mom and never my dad. However, I’m finally starting to come to terms with my parents’ divorce. Now that I’m an older teenager, I am more able to rely on myself. I am better able to handle my feelings. Thankfully, I now make the most out of the time I spend with my family.

My parents’ divorce has been one of the toughest things I’ve experienced emotionally. But now I see that it has made me a stronger person.

Click here to read more of our perspectives series on divorce.

Nya Hardaway

Nya Hardaway is a senior in high school.