Prom: Thoughts from a Parent and A Teen
Prom…Oh Boy! by Dani Marinucci.
While shopping for my daughter’s prom dress last spring, the hefty prices surprisedme. As the offending price tag on her gown-of-choice dangled from my fingertips I raised my eyebrows with concern. She calmly stated that the next gown I’d be buying her would be worn at her wedding.
She got the dress.
Ah, prom season is here and graduation will quickly follow bringing months of continuous celebrations. We’ve graduated one already and my husband and I were amazed at how popular we became (card with check in hand) on the summer party circuit. Almost every weekend featured great food and even better sweets – one of each please, was my standard buffet line refrain. Yep, I packed on that freshman 15 in my 40’s without leaving town or cracking one book.
Sending a son off to prom two years earlier brought laughter, a few tears, hugs and some fears. Preparing for my son’s prom experience involved one evening at the mall. He insisted I go along to pick out his Armani tux, and hunt for just the right black and pink striped tie with matching kerchief. He took forever to settle on the perfect shade of pink for that dang tie. He is a stickler for details, I’ll give him that.
I liked how much my opinion mattered to him; he’s been his Dad’s boy since turning twelve and I took pleasure in him repeatedly asking my opinion – did the tux fit well and was I positive the white shirt was the right white. Yes, the tears in this scenario were mine.
And then I wasn’t even in town for his big night! We had to rely on friends to take pictures and on my mother-in-law to enforce the curfew.
Getting our daughter off on her big night required a little more finesse. She’s a momma’s girl who loves hanging around my home office chit chatting, especially during “crunch time” when the stress-o-meter is dangerously high. Having lost my ability to multi-task, her presence is a real challenge. As she perches on an office stool talking about her day my inside voice is screaming, “For the love of all things holy get OUT of my office” while a weak smile and my outside voice says, “You know sweetheart now is really not a good time to discuss what kind of frozen yogurt you had today.”
Her tears came later. She floated the idea of attending the co-ed weekend trip. My answer was easy, “No.” But she countered with the claim that we’d given our son permission to attend his. She was so convincing I started second guessing myself. Is there anyway in God’s green earth I would have said yes? No way, right? I called my son at Ohio State and he confirmed that yes, he’d gone on an overnight with his usual gang. I started sweating and my stomach tied in knots; could I have lost all sense of direction…could I have actually granted him permission to take such a risk?!? Why can’t I remember back to 2005? Why, oh why, did we ever have kids?
A quick call to my husband calmed all doubts, “Of course we didn’t let him go, do you really think we’re that nuts?” Oh thank you, I haven’t lost my mind. “But wait,” he said slowly, “We were out of town that weekend…you don’t think he scammed my mom do you?” Can we say busted? Yep, that boy worked his magic and got away with it.
The answer was still no for number two.
Prom day finally arrived. Her talented aunt whipped up yet another amazing hairdo and we headed for Jacobs Field. Yep, off to the Jake with prom dress (the perfect one), stilettos and a boutonniere. As luck would have it, her beau was playing in a charity high school baseball game the same afternoon as prom; so after watching the game, six couples were pinning on corsages in front of a stadium concourse snack bar!
Sounds like a lot of drama , but looking back over the pictures makes me excited for our last two kids. I guess Prom prep is like labor; you forget all the pain and remember the wonder of watching your children enter a new place in their world.
Dani Altieri Marinucci is president of the Parent to Parent Network, a non-profit organization that promotes parent education on all issues impacting the health, safety and well-being of children preschool through college. A former journalist, her articles have appeared in newspapers, magazines and websites across the US and Canada.
One Teen’s Thoughts by Samantha Zabell
Prom seems like the perfect ending to the arduous school year. The perfect dress, the perfect date and the luxurious limo are high-priority essentials. Even the word “prom” represents something special, something that should be prioritized and considered carefully.
Prom is a highlight of high school. For parents and teens alike, prom holds high expectations with visions of the ideal night. Teenage girls spend hours finding the perfect dress and praying that no one else bought the same one (nothing is more horrifying than stepping into the dance and seeing someone else in your dress). The months before prom are crucial to most teens. It is essential to get a date and coordinate what group you will be with. Teens want to enjoy themselves, be with their friends and just have a good time. The preparation is as much fun as the actual night.
Then, there is the other side of prom. Teens acknowledge prom’s infamy for drinking and partying. When asked, they confirm that the only thing parents should actually worry about is drinking and driving. Parents give the speech, school gives the speech and health class gives the speech.
Teens are well aware of the problem, and most are conscious of their decisions. With some, the threat of not being able to graduate keeps them in line; others feel like they can trust themselves or that alcohol would only ruin such a special night. Some teens only increase their effort in breaking the ever-increasing limitations and restrictions. For them, prom is the perfect night to implement such rebellion. After all the warnings, some teens get it and some don’t.
For many, however, the warnings and threats are not even necessary. After 18 years of advice, most teens have absorbed the message. They have spent years to build trust: Why risk it for one night? For a teen with a history of getting into problems, parents may need to worry. But, if there has been no previous reason to distrust a teen’s judgment, why should one night change that?
It’s important to be aware of your teen’s social plans for the night (including transportation), but it’s also important to remember that if you’ve raised your teen to be responsible, one night isn’t likely to change that. In fact, teens feel stereotyped. Movies and television often exaggerate prom scenarios about teens getting wasted and booking hotel rooms after the dance. In reality, most teens go directly from prom to after-prom and would not risk being drunk around their teachers. For many, the night is over with After-prom.
In the end, parents should know that while there is some merit to their worries, most teens will honor their parents’ wishes for them to be responsible on prom night.
Prom is a night for teens to have fun; a night for teens to remember. When parents remind their teens that they trust them and want them to be safe, most teens will not take advantage. If you trust your teen, your teen will trust their intuition and make the right decisions on prom night.
The following information was gathered in an informal survey of high school students
Do you plan to listen to your parents warnings about drinking?
Yes: 10
No: 1
Unsure: 4
How do you feel about this kind of behavior on prom night?
Prom is a night to have fun: 2
Do whatever you choose, just don’t drive: 3
Drinking is unnecessary, especially with so many teachers around: 10
Do you think parents are too overprotective on prom night?
No, they have a right to worry: 3
A little, they should trust us more: 10
Yes, they need to let us have fun!: 2
Do you feel that prom has become stereotyped for bad behavior?
Yes, but it sometimes lives up to it: 4
Yes, and it’s unfair: 11
No, I don’t feel that prom has been stereotyped: 0
