Parents Should Check on Teens in the Basement – But Do They?
To Go or Not to Go
Ten kids are in my basement. My husband and I know all of the kids and we would call them all “good kids.” We periodically walk by the door to the basement. We look at each other and I suggest that one of us should go downstairs to check on them. We make a little noise to let them know that we are right there. And then, we ignore our gut and conventional wisdom and we do not go downstairs.
Had you asked me before I had an 11th grader, I would have given a clear and unwavering answer. Of course we will go downstairs. On our watch, we have a responsibility to those kids and to the parents of the other children to make sure that everyone is safe.
But, reality doesn’t always coincide with perfection. We felt distrusting, we felt ambivalent, but mostly we just felt embarrassed to go down and check.
How about you?
Boy, did you hit the nail on the head! This is a classic example of how parenting teens can be really hard. Personally, I’m past this stage with mine who are now older, but I want to validate the situation as you described it…. I hated this situation. And yet I forced myself to go in… it must be done.
Parents can be intimidated by teens… even fearful of them. What parent would WANT to go into a basement with a bunch of kids… it’s hard! This is when parents need to look in the mirror, analyze what the real issue is. In this case, it isn’t a teenager issue, it’s a parent issue. And only the parent can fix it… by not allowing the intimidation factor to prevent them from doing that they should be doing, which is monitoring things to keep those teens safe and behaving appropriately. To do otherwise is, well, cowardly.
You guys at Your Teen do a great job of telling it like it is. Keep up the good work!
Thanks Sue, I needed that! I too hate to “go down to the basement” thought I know I should. I guess I feel like I am disrespecting the kids. But you are so right, it’s something we need to do. It helps to know you hated it, but did it anyway. I will remember your words next time I am walking down those stairs.