Should You Be Your Teen’s Best Friend?
“My mom is my best friend.” Why does this statement warm some hearts and nauseate others? I, personally, fall into the latter. I grew up with a mother who shared considerably too much information with me about her relationship with my father and her struggles with her own life, and she was overly invested in my friendships. My mother wanted to be my best friend and I just wanted a mother. So, in reaction to my childhood experience, I work hard at respecting “healthy” boundaries of motherhood. I wonder if my children will react and want to be their children’s best friends?
As an adult, I feel fortunate to consider my mom to be a best friend, but the relationship we have now would not have worked when I was a teenager. I think during the teenage years, the parents need to be parents and not friends.
I think it’s all about balance, especially as your children get older. My mother and I have a great friendship but I still know that there are boundaries and I respect her role as my mother. I think the number one job of any parent is to be a parent, to guide, to teach and to discipline – this should come first. Yet, I also think that as your children grow it can be very natural for that relationship to become friendly in nature, especially if there is mutuall respect. For me, the parenting comes first and then the friendship will naturally follow over time.
I think many of the problems with teens today is that parents want to be their kids friends. They want to be the cool moms and for their kids and their kid’s friends to like them. Consequently, it’s hard to enforce rules, consequences and boundries.
I think as our kids mature and become young adults then it’s great for the relationship to grow into more of a friendship. But when they are teenagers, they have their own friends. They do not need mom as a friend, they need mom to be a parent.
My daughter is almost 13. And while I’m well aware that there are many ways in which the affection and friendliness of our relationship is critical, she needs me NOT to be her best friend — she needs me to be the parent, willing to step back, try to be objective. Her friends are important to her — she needs to learn how, over the next decade, to develop her own support networks, the people who can sustain her growth and well-being when I’m not around.
I don’t think its healthy if parents are their kids best friends or vice versa. Parents are more than best friends. Always and forever. Kids should have their own friends, but parents are their foundation, always there to guide and always with their best interest at heart. This is the ideal and since we are talking about humans, something that we should aspire to
Just one thing, remember how hard it is to screw up your children more then you will. Kids have an ability to survive and adapt to all situations. Being a good parent is being yourself, and letting your kid know that you love them, but also that you intend to give them space to grow. Even if you forget to do that (hard to do) your kid will be fine, you may not have a great relationship but your child can still be happy (and that is what truly matters).