Advice for your College-bound Child
Words of Wisdom for our College Bound Offspring
By Valerie Newman
What advice will you give your college-bound teen? For your first born, your speech might be long and teary. The advice for a boy may be to take college seriously and act responsibly. For a girl, you might offer ways she can protect herself from the opposite sex. And with your last little bundle of joy, you might wax sentimental, or just dump and run.
The most influential factor, though, is probably your son or daughter’s personality. Advice to the wild, impulsive kid who pushed every one of your buttons for 18 years will be quite different than advice to the straight-laced nerd.
My friend used to say that she needed to hire a nanny for her first two kids; but she joked that she needed to find a private detective for her last one. She researched Ivy leagues for the first two and worried that she’d be looking at jails with the third. I bet her talk with her calm, well-behaved kids will sound quite different than the chat she’ll have with her “terror.”
Another friend shared his list of dos and don’ts that he’s just presented his happy-go-lucky, scatterbrained son:
- Maintain at least a “B” average, or find someone else to pay the 50k tuition.
- Don’t sleep until 11:00am every morning, get involved in the college community.
- Watch out for tramps (used that exact word!) and wear a condom.
- Don’t bring home a high-maintenance girlfriend because I can barely deal with your mom and your sister.
- Don’t get in a car with anyone who is drunk.
- Don’t do drugs, or you could end up in the hospital or dead.
- Be smart about spending money.
I smiled as I read this, just picturing his son nodding but not paying a bit of attention to one word. I replied with a very different list for my studious and responsible son.
- Get one C so that I know you’re having some fun.
- Allow yourself one day when your classes don’t start until 11:00am so you can sleep late.
- Bring home a girlfriend to lighten you up.
- If you do find yourself with a tramp, use a condom.
- Don’t sniff, inhale or ingest anything unless your doctor prescribed it.
- Spend some money: There’s no pocket in a shroud.
I doubt that my suggestions will change my son’s behavior. But I did start to wonder what other friends were telling their kids as they prepared to send them off on this adventure called college.
What are you going to say or what have you already said?
My 18 year old son will be leaving for college this year. I am having a really hard time dealing with it. I don’t know what I will do without him in the house. I am trying really hard to give him advice and guide him as he leaves. But I am overwhelmed with sadness.
EmptyNest2002
I can’t wait to leave for college so I can be away from my bratty little brother. I won’t miss him, but I’ll miss my mom.
for Julie whose 18 y.o. will leave for college this year-delete the words “empty nest” from your vocabulary! It is not the end of your world and he will be back. Imagine what it would be like if he did not get accepted to college, lived at home, and could not find a job.
Thanks for injecting some humor and a lot of wisdom into a situation that is often fraught with so many conflicting emotions. I love the idea of a dos and don’ts list…typed up and suitable for posting on their cork board for year-round reference when you are not there to “remind” them in person… in fact, my son is leaving for college in about 11 months, I think I will start my list right now! I love Your Teen, it’s such a voice of reason and reassurance in navigating the shoals of our teenagers’ lives.
My first experience of ‘letting go’ of my ‘baby’ next year will be to the army in Israel (a requirement and privilege in our country) therefore, my hesitation in enthusiasm at sending him off, is tainted with concern for his physical and emotional well being. Having said that, we have raised our children to be responsible, independent and sensible human beings leaving me enough hope that any of the choices he shall make will be with a shred of common sense whilst knowing we pray for his safety.
I say let your kids go and see how well you raised them. If they really need or want help, they can ask.